IXL | Suggest appropriate revisions | 12th grade language arts

Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her academic voice?

The Hubble Space Telescope, named for twentieth-century American astronomer Edwin Hubble, is an awesome telescope. NASA began building the telescope in 1977 after Congress gave the go-ahead on the project. In 1990, the space shuttle Discovery crew finally positioned the telescope some 370 miles above Earth. Unfortunately, a defect caused it to produce fuzzy images, but ever since repairs were made by astronauts from the space shuttle Endeavour in 1993, it has taken some pretty great pictures.

by using consistently formal language

by avoiding generalizations

by using active voice

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Learn with an example

question

Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her word choice?

Automobile companies should be required to manufacture more fuel-efficient vehicles. This shift would help the environment by lowering the demand for crude oil and lowering the level of pollutants released into the atmosphere. If fuel-efficient cars were manufactured, the economy would improve, too. As people lowered their expenses for gas, they would be able to increase spending on other products. Also, manufacturing these cars would drive technology forward: other new products would likely be manufactured, too.

by reducing repetitive language

by fixing misused words

by including more figurative language

key idea

During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:

Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?

Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?

Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?

Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?

Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?

Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?

solution

The writer could best improve his or her word choice by reducing repetitive language.

For example, the writer could revise the underlined text by using synonyms of manufacture, such as make, produce, create, and build, and synonyms of lower, such as decrease or reduce.

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Teacher tools

Work it out

Not feeling ready yet? These can help:

B.2Compare passages for subjective and objective tone

I.2Organize information by topic

K.3Choose the best evidence to support a claim

X.3Choose punctuation to avoid fragments and run-ons

P.7Suggest appropriate revisions

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